The Ragamuffin

My boyfriend is incredibly good at capturing me being a dork.

I began this summer asking God to make me a better woman. Here's the quote from my journal: "God, make me a woman who has a soft heart, and acts in a way that pleases you more." Sounds simple, right?

Wrong.

This has so far been one of the most intensely demanding, stretching, and emotionally exhausting summers of my life. It feels as if every sin I've ever complacently allowed to reside in my heart is being dragged tooth and nail from its place of residence. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the steps towards holiness I've taken this summer. The only issue is that (here comes some serious transparency, friends) I hate the process. I so often regret asking God to make me more righteous. Where I wish God would just miraculously give me patience, he instead gives me opportunities to practice patience. I know this may come as a massive surprise to some of you, but those opportunities are not exactly a walk down easy street. Nine times out of ten, I crash and burn, eating my words and hurting others in the process. However, after a couple of failed attempts, I almost always see my heart start to soften and the Spirit start to move me in the direction of goodness. I am then able to see why I asked God to change me in the first place. I get to experience the insurmountable joy of becoming more like Jesus. I can't even put into words the satisfaction I feel when I follow the Spirit's lead in paths of righteousness where I had not before! God is so dang good to reward us when we submit to his guidance.

Killing sin is hard. It doesn't come without pain. My heart wants to hang on to its sin with every ounce of strength it has, so, when the Spirit who is stronger than my heart overcomes my bend towards complacency by ripping my sin from me, it hurts. Its hard. It hurts. It takes way more effort. But it is the more joy-filled route. If I can encourage you in any way, pray the hardest prayer you can pray. Ask God to make you more like his Son. The road will be so tough, but the joy God gives you throughout the process is completely worth the struggle.

It hurts. This summer has been incredibly hard. But I'm also the most joyful I've ever been. I am keenly aware of my weaknesses, but also more keenly aware of the perfection of Jesus. Praise God that he lived the righteous life for me. Because of Jesus, I know that when I am most weak, I am most strong.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10